The Responsorial Psalm at mass yesterday got my attention. It was:

“The Lord has done great things for us. We are filled with joy.”

Filled with joy?

It’s now been five months since Richard left us.

I’ll admit the Lord has done great things for us. And I’m grateful for them. Honest.

And I keep trying to figure out what happiness means without Richard in our life. And that’s the problem.

My imagination just can’t paint that picture. For 22 years just about everything that I consider a part of happiness has included Richard. He was often the primary source of that happiness. For me, happiness and family are nearly the same word. And joy is beyond happiness. A higher level of happiness maybe. And even more dependent on family.

And now such a big part of family and joy is gone.

So, I’m not filled with joy. Not yet. Maybe never again.