OK I’ll admit it. The idea of dying has always scared me to death.

I’ve never wanted to do it.

After I reached my 50th birthday I figured I had just started living my second fifty years. I’ve always wanted to live as long as possible.

Losing one of my children has changed my attitude.

If I have any chance to see my kid again, it will come through death.

No I don’t have any plans to speed the process up. But it’s no longer so scary.

Maybe part of this is because I feel I’ve lost a big part of my reason for life. Yes that’s silly. I still have much to be thankful and happy for. But I do feel lost.

And I do want to see Richard again. He doesn’t seem to be able to come to me, so I’ll have to go to him. Only one way to do that.

So when the time comes, I won’t be so afraid.