The death of your child leaves you with a lot of questions.

There are lots of “what if” and “why didn’t I” type questions. The ones that come from that guilty feeling that you should have done something to prevent this.

But I have other questions. Questions I’ll never be able to answer.

• The day before Richard died he bought a new Bible. It was a large print version. Like us old people might need. It was on his bed. Like the typical college male that he was, Richard slept on the couch of his one room apartment and used the bed as a storage shelf. Why did he buy this Bible. He already had his Catholic Youth Bible with him. Why the large print. Was this going to be a gift?
• Richard was found face down in the middle of the room. Did he come out of the seizures long enough to get up and start across the room or did he fall asleep on the floor while watching TV?
• His computer was in hibernate mode. It says he had 4 programs running. What were they? What was he doing on the computer in those last few hour of his life?
• There were 2 huge chocolate tombstones in his room. Still in the boxes. What’s with those?
• Richard went to the local Arby’s and bought 2 large roast beef sandwiches and a large Coke. Cost nearly $13. It was probably his last meal. It was past 2am when he bought this. He ate it in his car on the way home. The empty containers were still in the car.  Why was he at Arby’s at 2am? Did he just get off work? Did he get hungry and go out for a snack?
• How long did it take for Richard to die? Did he know what was happening to him or did the seizure cloud his mind enough to keep him from knowing he was helpless and dying?
• There were several dozen eggs in his refrigerator. Was he really going to eat that many eggs? The Cousins have told us many funny stories about Richard’s experimental recipes with eggs. So the answer to that question is probably yes.