I finally canceled Richard’s cell phone.

For nearly six months we’ve been paying for that phone. And it has just sat there on the divider between our kitchen and TV rooms doing nothing. No phone calls. No text messages. Nothing.

So why did we waste all that money?

Because it’s just hard as hell to let go of anything that was a part of Richard’s life.

He’s gone. But there are these little bits of him left behind. And getting rid of them feels like getting rid of him.

We justified keeping the phone at first, because there may be messages or calls from friends that didn’t know Richard had died. We wanted to let them know..

But news travels fast. So the messages and calls stopped within about the first week. So not wanting to let go was the only real reason.

I know this is dumb. Having these things – Richard’s things – doesn’t bring him back to us. Holding his cell phone doesn’t give me comfort. I still miss him just as much as I would if I didn’t have them. But it’s still so hard to let go of any of them.

So we’ve taken the first step. Truthfully it’s just a half step. We still have the phone sitting there. Just the phone number is actually gone.