Both days of the recent conference by TCF Frankfort, KY opened in a session with Darcie Sims. She told us, “I’m probably the oldest member of TCF,” at least based on the time she’s been a bereaved mom – 34 years. In fact she was one of the early leaders in growing TCF into a national organization.
If you go to her website you’ll find enough letters after her name to keep Vanna White busy for awhile. Letters like Ph.D., CHT, CT, and GMS. I have no idea what most of those mean except the lady has some serious training.
And that training did nothing to prepare her for the pain and grief she experienced when her son “Big A” died.
The first day she went through her experience as a bereaved parent.
It was a standup comedy act with tear jerking insights tossed in. That’s right, she had a room full of grieving parents, siblings, and grandparents laughing often. Like all good humor, her jokes and comments were funny because they hit at the heart of reality.
At her first Compassionate Friends meeting she told about the leader’s innovative technique, having them all sit in a circle and touch knees. Sit on the chair with their legs spread so their knees would be touching their neighbors. Pretty dumb idea right? But no one questioned it. Because we grieving parents are crazy and we’ll do most anything to take away the pain. She did note the women wore pants after the first meeting.
She informed those of us that are still in our “year of firsts” that we’ve had it easy so far. The second year is harder. As she explained, “at first we’re frozen.” After the first year we thaw out. Then we really feel the pain.
That’s a very chilling thought.
One response to “The Grandmother of Grief?”
HI, I recently lost my granddaughter to SIDs on March 29th 2014. Audra was born and all seemed normal. Audra wasn’t advancing and when my daughter told the doctor about her concerns with Audra the doctor simply said Audra is just being a lazy baby. It took her going to the orthopedist for what the doctor found as a popping hip the orthopedist said you need to have her evaluated. Turns out Audra had many issues. Hypotonia, hip dysplasia, optic nerve neuropathy, her muscles in her groin were cut when she had her hip surgery, Audra was in that damn body cast for 3 weeks 3 days when she passed. Audra also had a short tendon on her left leg so her leg and foot were not growing along with the other. As her grandmother and the mother of her mother I was ready for the fight, I didn’t like it, it wasn’t fair, I was and still am angry that she was born with so many issues and then taken from us. Audra has an older brother his name is Sam and I think that the only reason that my daughter and son in-law have held it together is because of him. I know my daughter is the reason I try to hold it together. Anyway I know or want to believe that most people mean well but they say the most god awful things sometimes because they just don’t get it. My daughter and son in-law started going to a SIDs group and my son in-law is in counseling, my daughter has less of a problem reaching out and talking to others then my son in-law.
Anyway I’m just rambling now and I don’t really know what I need or want from the support group maybe just to put it out there that my granddaughter Audra is gone and I don’t know anyone that has gone through this that can even begin to understand the pain I am in for my daughter and for myself.
Thank you for letting me share.
Dawn
grandmother of two